I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
