i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
