when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
