I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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