Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
