Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
