You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
