omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...