we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
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Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
COCAINE IS GR8