When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.