No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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