I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
