My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
