This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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