The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
