My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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