why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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