i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
