3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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