You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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