Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
