Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
