I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
