I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
