Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
