I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
