i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
