You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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