You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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