Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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