Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
