Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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