Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
