I accidentally had phone sex last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
