there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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