I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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