fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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