my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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