i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
