Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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