Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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