I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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