All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
