The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
