so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
