And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
