mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
40s are totally the cure
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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