She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
