he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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