sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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