So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
