That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
