he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
