I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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