you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wear drunk well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
