I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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