It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
