If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
