her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
