I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize