dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
