My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Holy sore nipples Batman
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
