I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
