He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
