I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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