Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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