Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
