It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
