In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
