I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
