I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
