Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
