WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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